what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
