I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
