You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We need to get me chipped asap
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
