i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
