made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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