I'm going to jail i love you
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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