Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
