I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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