Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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