i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
