The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
