I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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