John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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