I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
