Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
