I will die if light touches me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
