my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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