11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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