Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
