dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am naked and annoyed.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
