so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
