He had one of those small greek statue penises
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
