do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
