babies were throwing up all over the place
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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