Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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