I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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