Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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