No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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