Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
