I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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