Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Where is the hickey?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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