i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
