you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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