I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
