Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
