I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
