I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
