chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
