Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
