i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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