I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
