There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
