Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
