I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
