The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
