there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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