I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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