i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He? As in you personified your dick?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
