Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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