Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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