Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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