My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
