And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
