new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
