omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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