An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
