Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
