One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
