dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
