He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
