How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
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Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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