youre lurking in front of me
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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