my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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