Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
