Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
