My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
