my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
