This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
