i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just pee around me
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
