In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
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all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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