If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
